end = begin

It's been a while...

Today was my last day at a job I really disliked.  I think I have been feeling sour because of it.  This is probably why you haven't heard from in a while.  How did this happen, you wonder?

Well, we moved to Frankfurt at the end of September, we settled in, my mom came to visit, we got married and all the while I was anxious about finding a job.  I had no clue what I would do here in this new city, but because there was so much commotion I knew that October and November were not going to be months where I would be working.  That was part of the plan already.  But like clock work, by December 1st, I had started a new job.  Initially I was very excited and super proud of myself.  I was going to be working at cafe at the airport.  Nothing crazy but I applied for the job and had an interview - all in German.  I was excited to be working in a busy place and get to really practice my German - with clients, but especially with co-workers.  Learning German is very important to me and I felt this was going to help me a lot.

I quit a week in!

In my first week, which consisted of 4 shifts, I realized certain things.  I realized that behind the scenes, the cafe was super old and in actual fact, nobody cared about it.  I mean, no was was going to invest any more money into it and hadn't for some time now.  It was a dying place.  The food quality was not as good as it looked, they didn't even have take away bags for clients - we were told to wrap stuff in tin foil if they want to take it away.  For me, professionalism and care were lacking.  I also learned that the company that ran this cafe also had some kind of agreement with the Mc Donalds in the terminal, and apparently we HAD to eat there.  We weren't allowed food from anywhere else.  I almost lost it.  I told a co-worker that I would not eat at McDonalds and that forcing us to is like physical abuse.  I told her I would bring my own lunch.  She warned me not to let anyone see it.  So obviously, my apprehension kept growing. The next thing I learned pushed me over the edge.  They make the schedule there a month in advance.  So December 1st, I had my schedule for the month.  During that first week, my schedule changed like three times.  Understandable, life is unpredictable - except that nobody called me to ask me if I could work those other days or even just to tell me!  Another co-worker told me this was a regular occurrence and that I should get used to it.  That was it.  No way!  I found that so disrespectful.  The next day I called and quit.  I told them I would finish my shifts for December.

So today I had my last shift.

I also realized I'd forgotten about a vow I made to myself when I left Canada.  It was that I would do my best not to have to work in another restaurant again.  I already have a nearly 10 year "career" in the service industry.  It really is the best job as a student.  You can make good cash in a short amount of time.  And since I love being a student - waitressing and bartending have always well supported that.  But at the end I was a bitter, bitter waitress.  I hated feeling like that.  Although, I have to give myself credit for always being professional with my clients even though I would go home and hate myself for it.  Oh, how many nights I would replay a scenario and think, "I should have said this ... or, I should have spilled the drink in his lap ... or, I should have just slapped her across the face!"  But no, smile and keep smiling and the customer is always right.  Ughh!  I hate it and I promised myself I would avoid the industry at all costs.  And there I was right back into it, whoring my emotions around once again.  I think I forgot about this promise because I was too curious to see how I would do in a German speaking environment.  Well, it wasn't so hard.  And once that became clear, the rest just came cascading down and it all fell apart.  I'm glad I got to do this little experiment, but at the same time I can't help but feel like I wasted some time.

I think this place was making me miserable.  I haven't been in the mood for much and I've been feeling overwhelmed for no reason.  But  tonight, I felt like I flew home from work.  Like suddenly I had wings and I was just soaring and carefree.  Man.  Hating your job is a very depressing.  I don't want to experience that again. Although, I have said that before.

So what now...?  I have a couple of ideas.  I'll let you know how the job situation is going in the new year.  But I can say one thing ... I'm going to be self employed.

'till later,
Holly